What Berenice Oliver means

What Berenice Quimpo Oliver Means

Why couples don’t have sex

Dear Wife,

During the past year I have tried to
make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an
average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did
not
succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the
baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the
month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren’t in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn’t want to mess up your
new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would
hear us
9 times you said your mother would
hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the
activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there’s a crack
in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get
it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you
I
finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you
because I felt you move

KEEP READING…….

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Best weight loss supplements

What are the best weight loss supplements available in the market? No advertisements are being made to sell the products so I have no idea on what to recommend to my friends. Most dietary supplements being advertised pills that claim they can make a person lose pounds in a short period of time. But I do believe that these products don’t really have the ability to eliminate unwanted body fats, but instead, they reduce the water in a person’s body to make him/her feel lighter.

on haircuts and split ends

I need a haircut — badly. It’s been six months since the last time I visited a salon, and my hair’s grown long and so did the split ends.

I need to visit a hairstylist — now.  My unruly hair is hard to fix in the morning. I have to allot an extra 15 minutes to dry my hair and style it.

I need hair treatment — soon. The harsh environment and irregular visits to the salon had its toll on my hair already.

My dry hair needs attention, ASAP!

And I’m tired of wearing it in a pony tail everyday. But then, I’m growing it long enough so I can have it digi-permed. Meh. Confused.

 do insurance companies offer cheap insurance if ever my hair gets damaged? hahaha. Just thinking out loud.

Narcistic and dreaming

3 days ago, I found out that my 4-liner testimonial (which was edited and cut short to 2 lines) for the late President Cory Aquino was published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last August 15, 2009. Thanks to Google, I was able to find the link of that issue after typing out my name in the search engine. It was a major FAIL and I was disappointed that they only used my nickname (which sounds like a guy’s name) and only put UP instead of University of the Philippines Diliman which I CLEARLY included in the email I sent them.

I dream of being published in the Youngblood’s section in their newspaper and I think at my age, I should be pressured of trying my luck and sending them an article I made. Soon enough, I won’t be considered as one of the youth of our nation.

* i think copper kitchen sinks would look good in our kitchen. Hmmm..

First first first

I was actually expecting that he would prepare something –- perhaps a surprise for me — for our first month celebration. But then I remembered that he doesn’t like occasions, and he certainly doesn’t know how to surprise a person.

Today was an ordinary day… Nothing special happened. We went on with our usual schedules and activities, and only hung out at the hostel to sleep and watch DVD. I was planning to go out and watch a movie or something, but then I was too lazy and too tired to get out of bed. No fancy lunch or dinner and certainly no gifts to open. At first, I was disappointed and it really got into my nerves that he didn’t think of anything to do for today. I was expecting more from him. But then, I can’t say that he was being unfair since I myself, didn’t also prepare anything for today.

Before going home, we stopped by Mcdo for dinner. See? Nothing fancy. We just had the usual — hot fudge sundae and fries. That’s when I realized I just have to accept him for who he is. I can’t demand anything from him, and I can’t expect him to be someone whom he’s not. If he ‘s not used to celebrating occasions like this, then I might as well just deal with it. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll compromise my happiness and just let continue what he’s used to doing. I’ll make sure that he’ll prepare something so we’d finally get the chance to celebrate other more important occasions.

*click for air conditioner filter

lifestyle of the rich and the famous

Now im starting to hate the cast of F.R.I.E.N.D.S…. Dang! They’re so damn rich they can practically buy any material thing this world can offer! Estates, designer clothes, membership to exclusive clubs, name it…. They have it.
       Would you believe that they earned as much as $1million per episode before the season finale in 2004? Ny mouth was hanging open when i heard that. Talaga! And courtney cox’s  “vacation house” in Malibou costs $10Million! Jennifer Aniston’s furnitures (chairs to be specific) are designes and made by Sam Hayek (Salma Hayek’s bro) at kapag nakita niyo ung chair,. im pretty sure you’d be asking yourself paano kaya kayo makakaupo sa ganung klaseng chair na sobrang eccentric ung design.

       Matthew Perry travels around the world just to watch his favorite tennis players compete! whoa! ang saya ng life nia. He goes to different parts of the world just to see some people hit a ball with a racket.. Damn! These people get to have what they want and still they get free stuffs like diamond jewelry by Neil Lane. And mind you, each piece of jewelry is unique and costs a lot. And when i say a lot, i really mean a LOT!

I realized that there are a lot of things you get when you’re a celebrity:
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on Giving Up

Give up something when its becoming a burden already.

When you can’t do the things you’re supposed to do because you’re too stressed out.

When thinking about something would make you lose your mind.

 Your schedule doesn’t seem to fit with everything.

Time is of the essence, and every minute counts.

Its when you start wishing you didn’t take it, knowing how much you’re going to risk in the first place. 

Its when you feel everything’s hopeless and not giving it up would make you fail everything else.

Yes. I’m giving up DOSE. I don’t have the ability and the smartness to take it up together with TRESE. If i don’t drop it, ill fail both subjects and it might pull down my other majors as well. 

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Antidepressants can turn women on

Taken From SKIRMISHER

Like many accidental discoveries (such as Sildenafil citrate or Viagra being originally meant to treat angina, but instead has since been used on making the vagina happy. There’s a joke there somewhere), the drug Flibanserin was originally meant to fight depression. Tests showed it’s a stinking failure as an antidepressant, but boosted the libido of women. Godfuckingdammit that’s God working right the fuck there!

“It’s essentially a Viagra-like drug for women in that diminished desire or libido is the most common feminine sexual problem, like erectile dysfunction is in men,” reports John Thorp Jr., a principal investigator in the studies and the McAllister distinguished professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Medicine.

Well, it’s time this thing is distributed free to all your female friends! Just say it’s sugar.

This blogpost caught my attention. And i just wany to share this with you guys. Click on the post to direct you to skirmisher.org, and click for Plano dentist

Football is Fun :)

  PARTLY CLOUDY SKIES

I never thought that watching football would be fun. The excitement, thrill and suspense of the game; watching the players clash against each other, the injuries, bloopers; the fun of seeing them writhe in agony whenever the ball or another player kick their balls (literally); and the way when his face lit up when he saw me in the crowd — priceless.

I only got to watch the second half of the game. I know. I know. My tardiness would soon piss off someone one of these days.

I’m actually going to watch the UP vs ADMU game this Wednesday. And this time, I’ll come on time.

Olay’s 7-in-1 Total Effects

I might try Olay’s 7-in-1 Total Effects one of these days. Dermatologists recommend that women my age should start using moisturizers to avoid premature wrinkles. These anti aging products are usually expensive and heavy on the pocket. At 699php, it would mean saving up a lot and moderating the not-so-important expenses. Even though it could be expensive, when it comes to vanity and beauty, women would go gaga over products that they think would work.

On stomach fat and gaining weight

I’m getting fat — and that’s a fact. Despite being haggard and too much stress with exams and personal problems (if any), I’ve gained weight and the love handles that I’ve already lost last December came back. I don’t have enough time to akshully jog everyday and I can’t skip a meal since I am focusing much on my academics.

And I am trying to lose the extra weight I’ve gained during the holidays, and I don’t know where and how to start. The question that bothers me every night is —- how to reduce stomach fat? I hate seeing all the ‘bilbil’ whenever I bend down or wear fitting clothes; I hate how my ‘balakang’ looks big and the excess fat bulges out; and I hate how everyone calls me fat. I don’t like to be anorexic again. I don’t like the feeling of starving myself for the sake of being a size 6. To sum it all up: I don’t want to be FAT and I want to lose weight FAST.

Stress, stress and more stress

With all the stress I’m trying to deal with right now, I am afraid that I might suffer severe acne any time soon. I am happy, but then when I am TOO happy, I start to think of things that I’m not yet done doing and all the backlogs and lessons that I have to go back to.

Going out and being ‘petix’ is too much of a temptation to resist. My responsibility in the sorority is also something that I should prioritize. The Deltan Month is only a few weeks away and we can already feel the pressure. Anyway, I am looking forward to the activities we have in store for everyone. I’ll post the pubmats here when I get the file.

On Boyfriend and Football

BERN is: looking forward to her boyfie’s football game tomorrow.

It’s actually the first time I’ll be watching him play football, and this might be the first time I’ll appreciate the sport. Back then, watching the players pass the ball back and forth for hours bored me. I just don’t get the excitement of watching these people run fast and dribble the ball from one goal post to the other.

He may not know it, but I’m really proud of him. Being part of the Philippine Team at such a young age and bagging an award during last year’s UAAP season is something an ordinary athlete cannot do. (yikee. Palakpak na tenga niya) LOL. With all the training the UP team’s been doing, he is not in need of any fitness equipment to maintain his lean body. With his appetite and love for rice and catsup, I am still in constant awe of how his six-pack abs remains the same day after day after day.

Kudos

This is not another hate blog or anything, but I do believe that every assh*le in all the corners of the earth are happy even if they really don’t deserve it. And I don’t get it why for every jerk existing, a stupid person is ready to do anything, even if it means sacrificing their own happiness just to please that person.

Thumbs up for all those people who can easily forget. Good job, guys. That’s a feat that only a few can do.

And kudos for those who are willing to patiently wait.

Thank you for being patient with me (even though I know sometimes I could be soooooo hard to deal with).

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on acne breakout

Of all the acne treatments available in the market, which is the most effective? I don’t have any acne breakouts (and I hope I won’t encounter it in my lifetime) actually, but I am somewhat curious of why these treatments are expensive and only available to those who can afford the hefty price of vanity. Over the counter medications are now available, but are you willing enough to risk thousands of pesos for something that you are not even sure that would work on you? Yes, they could give assurance and ‘testimonials’ to make their customers believe that their product is the most effective and cheapest available medication in the market, but they couldn’t guarantee that it would on everyone.

Facts about dreaming

Some facts about dreaming:

•   You Forget 90% of Your Dreams
Within 5 minutes of waking, half of your dream is forgotten. Within 10, 90% is gone.

•    Blind People also Dream
.
People who became blind after birth can see images in their dreams. People who are born blind do not see any images, but have dreams equally vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion.

•   Everybody Dreams.
Every human being dreams (except in cases of extreme psychological disorder). If you think, you are not dreaming, you just forget your dreams.

•   In Our Dreams We Only See Faces, That We already Know
.
Our mind is not inventing faces – in our dreams we see real faces of real people that we have seen during our life but may not know or remember. We have all seen hundreds of thousands of faces throughout our lives, so we have an endless supply of characters for our brain to utilize during our dreams.

•   Not Everybody Dreams in Color.
A full 12% of sighted people dream exclusively in black and white. The remaining number dream in full color. Studies from 1915 through to the 1950s maintained that the majority of dreams were in black and white, but these results began to change in the 1960s. Today, only 4.4% of the dreams of under-25 year-olds are in black and white. Recent research has suggested that those changing results may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to color media.

•    Dreams are Symbolic.
If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language.  Whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.

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Things you probably don’t know about me

THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME:

1. My childhood nickname was ‘AGKO’. They said the noises that I made when I cooed when I was still a baby sounded like ‘HAGKOOO’, hence the nickname. And some of my aunts still call me that.
2. When I was a kid, I used to read books backward. I start from the last page, and continue on reading until I get to the start of the story. Weird? Hah! I knew the ending right even before knowing the beginning (and how I wish life’s like that).
3. I first tasted beer at the age of 6.
4. I received a ‘Best in Math’ award in kinder. But now? Math is something I wish didn’t exist.
5. I’m one heck of a frustrated writer
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Learning Sign Language

 Playing safe is probably the most unsafest thing in the world. You cannot STAND still. You must go forward.

 We had the pictorials for the Deltan Exhibit at the UP College of Law this morning. We were to choose one word from aslpro.com (an online dictionary of sign languages) and make a quote out of it.  I was unprepared and not quite sure of the word i have chosen. But thanks to the power of internet and Google, i was able to find a quote for the word that caught my attention the most. 

 So what about life insurance leads? Do i need that at my age?

At the age of 20

AT THE AGE OF 20, I LEARNED/EXPERIENCED:

1. The reality that life ain’t a fairy tale. No prince would save me from the dragons; wicked stepmothers come in different forms: they could come in the form of a terror professor, an annoying orgmate, or even an ordinary MMDA officer who ruins my day by issuing a ticket to the driver of the bus I am riding and thus making sure that I don’t come to school on time. The poisonous apple that Snow White takes a bite from would be the pressure from academics: toxic and deadly. The stress makes me wish that I were lying in a glass coffin instead of staying up late to review for an exam.

No fairy godmother would grant my every wish. I would still be a damsel in distress hoping that someone would save me from a dilemma that I couldn’t’ get out of.

And no prince charming would sweep me off my feet and complete the fairy tale that I have always dreamt of.

2. That I am still not a hopeless case… That after failing subject after subject and feeling that I really don’t belong in UP, well… When I shifted to Metallurgical Engineering, my grades were better and I just felt that the course is for me. I actually had good grades last semester. I’ve made a lot of friends and we have the best looking professors in the college (oh c ‘mon guys. Admit it! Sir Mark? Sir RJ? LOL).

3. To be a champion, it takes a lot of hard work, perseverance, luck and prayer. These, along with the bonding among the team make up the perfect formula for winning. It ain’t about the costume or how expensive the choreographers are — it’s about working hard and believing that we could all do it and that we could win the competition. And despite their bitterness and negative feedbacks about our routine, THE JUDGES’ DECISION IS FINAL! =)

4. That when God takes away something from you, something better comes along. And instead of being sad over what is lost, I am grateful for that someone who came along during the times I needed him the most; for staying despite my situation and the issues I’m having a hard time to deal with; for making me believe that I could move on and still fall in love. (yikeee! Mushy!)

P.S i guess buying a new tv stand won’t hurt..