Oh so long ago

I found my old diary recently and found this entry funny. Its about falling, stupidity and the realization that i can still pick myself up after a nasty fall.

May 29, 2008

I found myself praying and asking God to take away my ability to love other people and spare me from the emotional pain that I’m going through right now. I don’t deserve to get hurt like this. I have given and did everything I could, the best way I can, just to show HIM how much I love HIM.

I am still standing on the same ground, while he has learned to fly and let go. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. I should be relieved that he’s already out of my life. I should be the one giving a sigh of relief because I’m finally free from the clutches of an INGRATE WHINER, who gets MAD if he DOESN’T GET WHAT HE WANTS.  But instead of being happy, I find his absence a burden. The thought of him is enough to break my heart all over again. Thinking of the past makes me cry before going to sleep, and the memory of him haunts me in my dreams.

2 months. That should be enough for me to move on. My father told me that it is even possible to move on 24 hours after the breakup; you should just put your mind and heart to it.

I have learned my lesson. It’s easier to let go than to hold on to somebody who can’t even realize your worth. I am a PRICELESS and FRAGILE treasure that should be taken care off. I am a woman who deserves respect and shouldn’t be yelled at for small mistakes and petty reasons. Recently, I realized that we are better off as friends. He’s BETTER AS A FRIEND THAN AS A LOVER. He doesn’t know how to value people who are willing to take care of him and tolerate his childish attitudes.

Love really does make you blind. As long as you’re in love with somebody, you tend to disregard his imperfections and even blame yourself for everything that goes wrong between you and that person. It’s stupid to love a person who doesn’t give back the love (or even half of it) that you give him. It’s dumb to sacrifice your happiness just to see him HAPPY.

Letting go and moving on made me realize that I can still find my happiness WITHOUT HIM. I used to yearn for his affection and I even pleaded for him to stay. Looking back, I realized I must’ve looked stupid crying and begging for something that is not even HALF of what I DESERVE.