Christmas Eve

When I was a kid, I looked forward to Christmas. Waiting for the clock to strike 12 was torture, and my parents making me go to sleep before 12 made it even worse. They would convince me to go to sleep by making me believe that Santa Claus won’t drop by our house to fill my sock with candies and money. Being the gullible child that I am, I would close my eyes and force myself to go to sleep.

Every Christmas eve, I was always giddy and excited to open the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I would eat and swallow my food as fast as I could so that I could open my gifts. I can still remember how I loved the smell of new toys and books. I would immediately play with my new toys and won’t go to sleep until the wee hours of the morning.

As I grew older, I got tired of the Santa Claus scheme my parents used against me. I preferred clothes and shoes over childish things like toys. I still look forward to Christmas and Noche Buena, but the giddiness and excitement lessened.

Tonight is Christmas Eve, and in less than 3 hours, the clock will strike 12. I feel like today is just an ordinary day — nothing special. The mall is packed with late-shoppers (like me) and the road is jam-packed with cars and pedestrians. As I was going home from buying a gift for my mother, I thought, ‘is Christmas supposed to be like this as you grow older?’ No jacket could warm the coldness I was feeling inside. I am still figuring out what is wrong with me. Why can’t I enjoy the festivities like other people do?

I am wishing for my next Christmas to be just like when I was a kid. I wish to feel the same excitement I used to feel back then … Not the coldness and emptiness I’m feeling right now.